Background
I was raised in a Christian family. We tried to follow good morals and good Christian values. However, I didn’t go to church that often, didn’t pray, or have any sort of substantial spiritual life. I eventually grew up living for the world. This led to me abandoning my values in high school, where I had materialistic goals and simply wanted to have fun. This progressed in college, where I really took a pretty deep dive.
I dove headfirst into everything the secular world could offer. I chased everything — women, parties, drugs, and alcohol — all the things that never actually sustain someone in life. I did as much of everything as I could, but couldn’t feel fulfilled.
During this time, my beliefs were very agnostic and atheistic. I didn’t really know if God was there. Who was I to say that there was a God? We’re just people here and if we die, then what? I didn’t think there was a way to answer those questions.
Hitting Rock Bottom: My Personal Hell
After I graduated college, I continued to want more and more, and desired crazier and crazier things. I just couldn’t get enough of it. And one night, I broke.
I had been out all night with friends, drinking heavily and doing drugs. Later that night, I went home with a woman who wasn’t my girlfriend. I cheated on her. After that happened, I was laying on this woman’s couch when suddenly, I had an out-of-body experience. I knew for a fact that this was something that neither my drinking or drug use could explain.
In a moment, I experienced my soul pull away from me and I found myself sitting in a gray, dimly lit room, unable to move. I felt the presence of someone or something behind me, over my right shoulder. In front of me, I saw a type of video screen playing different scenes over and over again. I saw a wife and three children. In the scene, they were playing together, and I was the father and husband. As I watched the scenes, I would get happier and happier, and then suddenly it would just end abruptly — because I couldn’t have that anymore.
In a moment, I realized this was what my life could’ve been, had I only made better decisions. I became aware that I was with a woman I wasn’t supposed to be with, not loving as I should be loving, and not living how I should be living. I experienced pain and hatred toward myself I’ve never known, because I saw how all my bad decisions led me away from that beautiful life. I realized that this was my personal hell.
Eventually, I regained consciousness. While I was only out for maybe three or four hours, it felt like I was there for years and years. Filled with hatred and despair, I ran out of the woman’s apartment to the top floor of the building. I believed I was a terrible person, and thought it would be better if I just wasn’t alive anymore. I was suicidal, and stood at the edge. I had nowhere to go. Thankfully, the woman I was with pulled me down from the edge.
That night I ended up crashing on her couch, and my brother stayed up with me on Facetime, even while I slept, to keep an eye on me. In a stroke of Providential irony, when I woke up the next day, it happened to be Father’s Day.
Turning Back to God
Later that day I called my best friend, Stone, to tell him what happened. By this time, he had a wife and two kids. He had come back to his faith several years prior and was going to church regularly. That night, he came and picked me up, and took me to his church, St Luke’s. It was 11:00 p.m., and the church was locked. However, a back door was open. We snuck in and sat down in the side chapel. For about an hour, we sat in silence in front of the tabernacle. Finally, Stone said, “Adam, I think it’s time you start coming to church with us.”
Stone had been my friend for years, all through my time living a reckless life. Throughout those years I had made fun of him for his faith and beliefs, but now I took him seriously. In July of 2021, I started going to church. I got into a regular rhythm of going to Mass on Sunday, then started to go to daily Mass during the week.
On Christmas Eve of 2021, I felt drawn to come to St. John’s in downtown Indianapolis. I arrived just after the children’s Mass at 5:00 p.m., and the church was getting closed to prepare for the later midnight Mass. I wanted to sit and pray, and Father Rick kindly let me stay. I once again sat before the tabernacle, and the thought occurred to me, “Why would I go on living life without God?” It became clear to me God was calling me to Himself, and I made the decision to become Catholic.
Growing in Faith and Meeting My Wife
During that time of discernment, Stone invited me to join a book study. Up until that point, I had never been involved in any sort of Christian community. Honestly, I had an aversion to talking about the Bible or God with others. However, Stone convinced me, and I decided to go. We read Dr. Edward Sri’s “A Biblical Walk Through the Mass,” which was perfect for someone like me who knew nothing about the Mass. The book was written for someone that has no idea what the Mass is, and the very first page talked about the Eucharist. My very first note “was what is the Eucharist?”
Stone also mentioned that the book study was co-ed. Having broken up with my previous girlfriend due to my rock bottom moment, I had a passing thought, “Maybe I’ll meet my wife here.” Well, I actually did. That first meeting, I met Sarah. I was inspired by her example of holiness and her devotion. She spoke about the procession of Saints and angels during the Mass, how they come in with the priest with Christ to pray with us and celebrate the Mass together. This image has stuck with me ever since, and I’m reminded of that reality every time I attend Mass. This focus on God, the Mass, and the Eucharist laid the foundation for our relationship, and it’s continued throughout our marriage today.
My Advice to Those Away from God
For those of you who are far away from God and the Catholic Church, I encourage you not to give up. I invite you to pray, even once. Take that smallest of steps.
It’s a wonderful thing to realize you’re not being fulfilled. Through prayer, you’ll realize that Jesus in the Eucharist is the only thing that will satisfy.
Fr. Rick’s Invitation
Jesus doesn’t bust down the door. He gives us free will. But it only takes just a crack to let Him in. The key to us opening the door of our hearts is prayer. Ask the Lord, “Lord if You are real in the Eucharist — Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity in that piece of bread, — show me, help me to know it in my heart.” God will answer that prayer and He will show you the way. If anyone is doubting or wondering, just come to church and sit silently before Him and ask Him.
Disclaimer: This is a revised and condensed version of the original podcast transcript for storytelling purposes. You can listen to the full podcast to hear the complete, unedited conversation and story here.
