Background
11 years ago, I was a student on campus at IUPUI. I was living a wayward lifestyle, similar to other students on campus. I dove into secular things that the culture had to offer — chasing women, drinking, partying. I did all the typical college stuff. Growing up in a Muslim household, I remember how my friends were allowed to partake in certain celebrations and activities that were prohibited in our Muslim faith. This made me resent my background, so when college came around, I rebelled. However, my reckless lifestyle ultimately left me exhausted, unfulfilled, and unhappy.
When anybody hits rock bottom, regardless of their faith tradition, they tend to go back to their roots. For me, that was Islam. I decided to become a practicing Muslim. Not just proclaim it by name, but really understand the theology and the Quran. I continued to study and teach myself the faith, yet a restlessness grew. I asked questions of local imams, and made friends with the Muslim students on campus. I realized I wasn’t alone in my desire to understand my faith more deeply, and that’s when I found the Muslim Student Association.
Funny enough, since I was already pretty involved on campus, I was asked by the members to be the leader. I was already in a fraternity and involved in other organizations, and I knew how to promote things on campus. However, the deep restlessness wouldn’t go away. As much as I tried to surround myself with fellowship and good Islamic teaching, it mysteriously just wasn’t enough.
Departure from Islam
In the fall of 2012, without telling anyone, I privately apostatized from Islam. I had a fraternity brother who was particularly virtuous, and learned he was a Christian. I started meeting with him regularly, asking him questions about his faith and theology. I found out he wasn’t just a Christian, but a Roman Catholic. I kept asking him why he chose to live his life differently than my other fraternity brothers. His lifestyle and openness about his faith was inspiring, and I wondered if there was something more to it.
However, I was no Christian at the time. I held that Jesus Christ of Nazareth was no more than a mere Prophet. I believed he was a good virtuous man that lived, but couldn’t profess that He was truly God.
So my friend invited me to a Bible study, but I hesitated. What would it look like if the president of the Muslim Student Association came to a Catholic Bible study? Keeping a low profile, I decided to go.
I arrive, and the first Scripture reading hit me. To my surprise, it just so happened that the focus of the meeting was Jesus’ question to Peter. In that passage, Jesus asks him, “Who do you say that I am?” (Matthew 16:15.) I felt like I had walked into a setup. In hindsight, it was actually just part of the Bible study program and a complete coincidence. God’s Providence was at work.
During the meeting, everyone went around and said what they thought the passage meant to them. “Christ is Lord.” they all said. When it was my turn, I had a different answer. “Well, he was just a good man, a good virtuous human and that’s all there is to it. He was a prophet of God and that’s all we can say about him.”
It took many people by surprise, but afterward, my friend encouraged me to study the Scriptures privately and come to him with questions I might have. He gave me a Bible and told me to start with the Gospel of Matthew. I read the entire thing in one day. I was struck by how poetic it was. At this point I had only ever read the Quran, yet there was never anything as poetic as The Sermon on the Mount, the Beatitudes. With each “Blessed are you”, I felt like I was being spoken to directly — something I had never experienced with the Quran. Over the next few months, I devoted myself to the Scriptures.
“Jesus Christ Pantocrator” from the mosaic in the Hagia Sophia, Istanbul
Later on, I was invited to Mass for the first time, at St John the Evangelist Catholic Church. I had a good experience, but didn’t yet believe that Jesus Christ is God. I had read the majority of the New Testament, but I just couldn’t bring myself to believe. I couldn’t believe that He came and died for my sins, and rose again. Then in December 2012 during Advent season, Mary the mother of Jesus entered my journey.
Coming to Jesus Through Mary
I was already familiar with Mary. In Islam we’re taught that she was the holiest woman to ever live. She is highly honored in the Islamic tradition. If you were to ask Muslim women like why they wore the hijab, they would say it’s for modesty and to imitate Mary. There’s a certain beauty to that. Muslims don’t venerate her as much as Catholics do, but that veneration does exist as a model of holiness for women.
Just three days after that first Mass, I was invited by a friend to a Hispanic parish over on the west side of Indianapolis. They were celebrating the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe, and until this point, I had no idea what the intercession of saints was, or what role Mary played in Catholicism.
When I first looked into it, I thought it was as pagan as pagan gets. However, since I had already privately apostatized from Islam, I was open to the possibility of anything being real. If it was, it would deserve my my full devotion. So I go to Mass anyway. It’s in Spanish, and I didn’t understand anything except the structure of the Liturgy, which was the exact same. After Mass they did a procession and were asking Mary for intercessory prayers. My friend turned to me and said “Whatever is on your heart, just give it to Mary and she’ll bless it and pray for that to her Son, and He will answer you.”
So prayed a humble, sincere prayer. I prayed something like “Mary, I’ve left Islam, the one thing I had as an identity. I’m struggling to keep it a secret, help me tell my family that I’ve left Islam and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Amen. “
“Wait, what did I just pray?!” I asked myself. My friend did a double take.
“Did you just say that you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior?!” he said. I paused, and I felt something shift internally. So I said it over and over again. I prayed again:
“Jesus, I’ve been getting to know you, but I feel like I’ve known you all my life. I think that you came and died for me, so from this day forward I accept you as my Lord and Savior.”
I realized that this was all I wanted. It just took some time, but something needed to be done for me to get out of my own way. I think that’s why the Blessed Mother was there, for me to come to her with true humility and ask what I need — and she delivered. Here it was, the season of Advent, when she’s literally the Tabernacle carrying Christ into the world — and to me. It’s like what she says at the Wedding at Cana, to do whatever Jesus tells us.
She pointed me to the Savior of the world.
Making the Decision to Convert
I went through a six-month RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) program at St John’s, and my sponsor was very diligent in working with me multiple times a week. However, I was still a closeted apostate from Islam. I was very worried that my family would find any of it out. Despite my anxiety, I wanted the Sacraments and to fully embrace Christ in the Catholic Church.
I went to talk with the parish priest, Fr Rick. He was incredibly empathetic and understanding of my struggle. He knew I believed in my heart and mind that Jesus Christ is the Savior, that I wanted to be baptized, and that it could be even dangerous for my family and I. He encouraged me in my freedom to choose — only I could decide because I have free will. Either way, I already had received Christ in my heart.
Through my process of RCIA and conversations with Fr Rick, I really experienced the love of Christ. Jesus is never going to force me to accept Him. Jesus is never going to force me to do anything that I wouldn’t want to do. Knowing that I still had a free choice was very impactful.
Breaking the News to Family and Friends
Right before Easter, I broke the news to my mom. I had been living at her house at the time, so I told her before anyone else in my family. It was a very tough conversation. Afterward, I would no longer be able to live there because of my decision. Since I had never really lived on my own, I needed a living arrangement.
After breaking the news to my family, I then turned to my Muslim friend group at the Muslim Student Association. I told a particularly close Muslim friend of mine, and he tried to convince me to return to Islam and tell me how wrong I was for choosing Christianity. So I asked him point blank, “What is the punishment for apostasy according if we were’t living in the United States?” “Death” he responded. So I said “After all these years that we’ve spent together as kids and as friends, would you be comfortable with that?” He then responded “It’s a shame that we don’t live in one of those countries, because I’d be okay with carrying that out myself.”
Things continued to worsen with my family relationships as well. Every occasion with my family devolved into uncharitable shouting matches around theology. We had irreconcilable differences to work through and live with, and it was like that for several years.
Experiencing Jesus in the Eucharist
When I was first coming into the Church, I had a profound experience in Eucharistic Adoration. I sat before the Blessed Sacrament, which was exposed in the monstrance. Suddenly, I experienced an overwhelming feeling of sorrow and joy at the same time.
First came the sorrow. I was overcome with the sadness of having missed out on this beautiful gift of faith and God’s love for the first 20 years of my life. Then came joy, knowing I wasn’t too late. I’m not usually a sensitive person, but God gave me an openness of heart to recognize Christ in the Eucharist — without yet fully knowing all the theology behind it.
At that moment, I knew that there was something special there, but I didn’t know what that was it was. Only in my further study in RCIA did I learn that the Eucharist was the true Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus Christ.
The Role of Community
After moving out of my mom’s house, I had nowhere to go. Thankfully, I was able to move into an on-campus formation house with a few other Catholic guys. If I didn’t have that community to really ground me, I would have probably fallen away from the faith. By staying close to my Catholic community at St. John’s, was able to stay grounded in my newfound faith. I even met my wife through the St John’s community. By growing closer to Christ with her and our children, many of those initial wounds of my family have begun to heal.
I’ve formed some great friends in the faith community, which is centered around the Eucharist. My favorite Scripture verse is Acts 2:42. It’s after Peter’s sermon and 3,000 are baptized, and they all commit themselves to living what we call the sacramental life — the teaching of the Apostles, fellowship, the Scriptures, and the “breaking of the bread” which is the Eucharist. It’s amazing to be a part of that tradition 2,000 years later.
Words of Advice
Nowadays, a lot of people today are wounded due to religion or other factors, like bad relationships or jobs. And we’re constantly trying to fix those wounds on our own. We think a lot of our problems can be addressed by somebody else. I’m here to tell you, it’s true. That Somebody Else is waiting for you here in the chapel.
It’s not easy though. It takes humility to admit that “I’m not in control and my life is not in my own hands.” When it comes to letting Christ address the anxiety, difficulties, and challenges that I face, I need to realize that I just need to accept the invitation He’s extended. Openness and freedom are key to accepting God’s grace.
It’s difficult to accept the idea that there is something else beyond yourself. It’s not easy when there’s so much noise from Church politics, tons of things to know about the Church that can often feel like barriers to a relationship with God. Don’t worry about that stuff yet. Just come to Christ first, devote yourself to Him, and then let Him change your heart.
Fr. Rick’s Advice
Even if your only prayer is “Lord, if You’re for real, show me a way to know, love, and serve you,” He always wants to answer that prayer. He’ll put you on a path to Himself in the Eucharist, which is the greatest gift on Earth so that we can be with him for all eternity.
Disclaimer: This is a revised and condensed version of the original podcast transcript for storytelling purposes. You can listen to the full podcast to hear the complete, unedited conversation and story here.
